You might be a...

You might be delusional if...

You believe that illegal immigrants are not a problem.
Facts:

• 95% of all murder warrants in L.A. are for undocumented aliens.
  83% of all murder warrants in Phoenix are for undocumented aliens.
  86% of all murder warrants in Albuquerque (who really knows how to spell that?) are for u.a.
  Approx. 70% of the FBI's most wanted list? you guessed it, undocumented aliens.

You believe gay marriage should be legalized (or you may just be gay and delusional).

Facts:

• God does not recognize gay marriage.
  The South does not recognize gay marriage.
  California does recognize gay marriage, and let's face it, that is a state that can't get anything right.

You believe the president of Iran is generally a good guy.

Facts:

• China and Russia are loving the fact that the U.S. worries more about offending other countries rather than self sufficiency. Though we don't get any of our oil from Iran, we (the common people) know that guy is nuts, and we know that Iran, China and Russia effectively make up the "Axis of Evil."
  

So if you believe your voting booth is hooked up on Nov. 4, vote accordingly and don't forget to punch the chad all the way through (unless you are voting for Hussein).

I'm Back

Sorry, it's been awhile. I was in Mexifornia for a couple of weeks, and I also moved to Cleveland. Mexifornia is an amazing state. First of all, if you remember a few weeks ago an illegal immigrant shot and killed a father and 2 sons in San Francisco. The reason is unclear, one thought was road rage, another was mistaken identity (the assailant thought they were rival gang members). One thing is clear, this killing could have been avoided if it were not for the sanctuary laws of San Fran. This guy had been in jail previously on felony charges, but local law enforcement is prohibited from cooperating with federal law enforcement. What is so wrong with deportation? Shouldn't these illegals have to go through the process like everyone else (including my great grandparents)? I have family in the California Highway Patrol, and they are discouraged from reporting illegals. Amazing. And to think, these immigrants get better health care than the poor Americans.

I had an exciting time in Mexifornia, so to recap:
I was bitten by fire ants in the desert, I went black widow spider hunting (I swear, one of these spiders had a face, and gave me the finger before my brother-in-law killed it with a blow torch), and survived an earthquake. I did enjoy a nice round of golf, and some of the best Mexican food ever (breakfast burritos from Del Taco).

Good Times.

To Horn or Not to Horn, That is the Question

So if you have not heard about Joe Horn, a quick recap:

2 Thieves broke into his neighbor's home. Joe heard it, called 911 and went to investigate (carrying a shotgun). The thieves tried to escape and in the process ran toward Joe and onto his property. He ended up shooting the two thieves. According to Texas law, this was a justified shooting. End of story? Of course not, the two thieves were not white, Joe Horn is, and therefore this has become a racially motivated killing with just a touch of illegal immigration thrown in for good measure. It turns out the dead thieves were career criminals (burglary ring, drug dealers, etc), in the U.S. illegally and were in the middle of a crime that according to Texas law permits the use of deadly force as a result. Thankfully, a grand jury cleared Joe Horn last month. It's nice to see some of the higher-ups still have some common sense. Of course, now that race has become a factor in the event, there are civil rights groups foaming at the mouth. Quanell X (wow, that is quite a name) has decided to follow in the footsteps of Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton and is going to make a name (hopefully a better one) for himself standing up for the rights of Illegal immigrant cocaine dealer burglars. Now that's a cause worth fighting for. Good luck with that Mr. X (In the movies, here is where a sinister laugh would be inserted).

I know that stealing from someone is not supposed to be punishable by death, but it would seem that "3 hots and a cot" is not the deterrent it used to be. So let's make the punishments a bit harsher. Also, since Mr. Horn was within his rights according to the law, we should leave him alone. Whether your consider him a hero or a killer, you must agree that he is a law abiding citizen. Either protect him from extremist activists (like Quanell X), or change the law so you can't shoot people for stealing.

Your thoughts?