Car Makers, Taxes, and I should be King...

Chrysler wants a piece of the bailout (who can blame them, I want a piece too), except they want to use their piece to pay some of their top execs $30 Million bonuses. Nice. I would just like to use my part of the bailout (which will never actually make it to me, the common man) to pay my mortgage, buy a flat screen (do they make them 120"?) and travel the world snowboarding; you know, just the every day necessities that we all require.

Starbucks' revenue is down, and you know the economy is suffering when people are refusing to purchase a $13 cup of coffee from a pumpkin-pie haircutted freak with every part of their face pierced who insists on giving you the evil eye because you drive an SUV. I am actively looking for ways to increase my carbon footprint now...

I have an idea for taxes. If you did not vote for the President that raises them, you should not be liable (o yeah, that's a law school word) for the increase(s). The qualifying factor: you have to vote, if you did not vote you don't get any of the (hypothetical) perks.

Next election, I am going to run for King/Supreme Dictator. Can I count on your vote? My campaign promise: no campaign promises.

I want to be fatter...

I think we should go back to the days of yore when being fat meant you were successful and powerful. Perhaps I could be king? or at least some sort of royalty. What can I say, I like to eat and I hate to exercise. If I were king, exercising would be illegal (but not the type of illegal where you still get benefits and stuff, I mean like really illegal). I believe the world would be a better place and much more peaceful. Have you ever noticed fat people are more fun (jolly, if you will)? They generally aren't as retentive as those skinny folks and let's face it, sweat pants are amazing. So I say, let's eat, drink, eat some more and be merry (unless becoming mary requires surgery).

Here's to the supersizers and mighty kids' meals...