Vote For McCain

Captain Complete says Vote for McCain!!! Captain complete also wants you to know, due to overcrowding at the polls, voters are being asked to vote on different days. If you are voting Republican, please vote on Nov. 4th. If you are voting Democrat, please vote on Nov. 5th. If you do not follow these stipulations, Captain Complete will dump Gatorade on your head.

Working Towards the American Dream

Now this is the type of ingenuity we Americans are famous for.

Go USA...

You might be a...

You might be delusional if...

You believe that illegal immigrants are not a problem.
Facts:

• 95% of all murder warrants in L.A. are for undocumented aliens.
  83% of all murder warrants in Phoenix are for undocumented aliens.
  86% of all murder warrants in Albuquerque (who really knows how to spell that?) are for u.a.
  Approx. 70% of the FBI's most wanted list? you guessed it, undocumented aliens.

You believe gay marriage should be legalized (or you may just be gay and delusional).

Facts:

• God does not recognize gay marriage.
  The South does not recognize gay marriage.
  California does recognize gay marriage, and let's face it, that is a state that can't get anything right.

You believe the president of Iran is generally a good guy.

Facts:

• China and Russia are loving the fact that the U.S. worries more about offending other countries rather than self sufficiency. Though we don't get any of our oil from Iran, we (the common people) know that guy is nuts, and we know that Iran, China and Russia effectively make up the "Axis of Evil."
  

So if you believe your voting booth is hooked up on Nov. 4, vote accordingly and don't forget to punch the chad all the way through (unless you are voting for Hussein).

Mid Terms

Mid Terms this week, no time for this, talk amongst yourselves.

Voting for Obama? Thanks

I just wanted to say thank you to those of you voting Obama in '08. As a nonworking, poor student with a family who does not pay taxes, I appreciate all of your support. I am excited that all of you small business owners and wealthy people are going to pay for my health care, food stamps, and lifestyle. I will let you know if I need anything else. Perhaps there is a way I can work this into a boat?

The good news is that by the time I am in the wealthy crowd, a new President with a tax plan that benefits me will be in office. I love our electoral system (even though I am against voting).

Best advice I can give, don't vote.

That's right, I said don't vote. You and I both know that those voting machines are not hooked up to anything. They (the big bad government) are just messing with us. Maybe they decided we could not handle (or just did not want) the responsibility. Most people don't vote anyway. I would like to think that American Idol and Dancing with the Stars are proof that we want the privilege back. We just want to be able to text our vote in (limit 10 votes per phone, standard text message rates apply). Or maybe our next Presidential election could be like Survivor. 10 candidates have to survive on a Middle Class income, work at an actual job and vote each other off after various challenges including juggling children, work and relationships (not really throwing children in the air, but balancing the actual responsibility without a maid and a nanny). Oh, and they all have to drive minivans during the challenge. I know I would enjoy that more than the current process... and remember, don't vote because it doesn't matter.

Nebraska - not brilliant... and another useless debate.

No, I am not watching another useless debate. Watching tweedledee and tweedledum suck up to the middle class with empty promises and plans that cannot in a million years be funded while "slap fighting" with each other just makes me embarrassed by our electoral process. I find it humorous the passion that seems to be everywhere in this election when the facts indicate that the majority of us don't even vote. I will be glad when this is over and nothing changes. At least at that point the commercials will go back to normal and I won't have to watch neighbors wage their passive aggressive lawn sign wars with each other. It's like if you have the most signs in your lawn then you are the cool one. The truth is the old lawn flamingos are cooler than the election signs. Go get lawn flamingos, go now. And get a lawn gnome. There is my travelocity plug.

Now on to Nebraska. State Senator Ernie Chambers brought a lawsuit against God. That's right, The Almighty. Unfortunately for him (and fortunately for everyone who is sane) the court dismissed the case because God does not have an address and therefore he cannot be served. Chambers has been part of the Nebraska legislature for the last 38 years and is not going for election. This guy is clearly an idiot. Perhaps he was not hugged enough as a child (or maybe hugged too much?), who knows. What does this say about the people of Nebraska? They elected him for 38 years. That goes past ignorance, that is just plain stupid. Way to go over there.

An amazing video and song that I believe accurately encompasses the entire campaign process (no matter which side you vote for). Enjoy.

http://www.peteyandpetunia.com/VoteHere/VoteHere.htm


It makes one ponder, would the millions (and millions and millions) of dollars being spent on campaigns be better served in bailing out Main Street? or at least in serving the needs of the less fortunate?

Personally, I am in favor of a plan where the government "renegotiates" with the banks in lowering mortgages to be consistent with the value of the house. Yes, I am obviously a homeowner and statistics (83% of which are made up) show that 1 in 6 homes are worth less than the amount owed. I wonder if that takes into account the amazing amount of home equity loans that were taken and used for new cars and trips to Disney. Always good to be reassured by the fiscal responsibility of Americans (the government and public alike).

Pacman...

So Pacman is in trouble again? Is anyone really surprised? He got into a fight with his bodyguard, who was hired to... keep Pacman out ... of... fights? How many more chances will this guy get? I'll tell you, as many chances as it takes until he is no longer useful to any NFL team. Personally, I think he is a thug who continuously fails to exercise self control (it couldn't be the steroids could it? No those are only in baseball) and society would be better served if he was playing on the same prison team as Michael Vick. A regular dream team.

On a separate note, has anyone really been effected by the stock market crash? I know rich people have (but as I am not one of those, I have not felt the pain), but as long as gas prices keep dropping I am not complaining. Ahh, to be young and naive.

If I had a dollar....

Ok, maybe more than a dollar, if I had $4 I would buy the entire stock market, all of it, right now.

Did anyone hear rover's morning glory today? They were discussing the Obama campaign's push to register homeless people, college students and felons.

Query, why would he want to cater to those demographics? All 3 groups are usually drunk out of their minds on Mad Dog 20/20, the Beast or wine made from a toilet.

Not a good sign.

How about the big 12? Where is that SEC speed again? Would everyone agree that Bobby Bowden's entire team is made up of criminals? Reminds me of the Miami Hurricanes of the 80's (except UM won).

I want to be fatter...

I think we should go back to the days of yore when being fat meant you were successful and powerful. Perhaps I could be king? or at least some sort of royalty. What can I say, I like to eat and I hate to exercise. If I were king, exercising would be illegal (but not the type of illegal where you still get benefits and stuff, I mean like really illegal). I believe the world would be a better place and much more peaceful. Have you ever noticed fat people are more fun (jolly, if you will)? They generally aren't as retentive as those skinny folks and let's face it, sweat pants are amazing. So I say, let's eat, drink, eat some more and be merry (unless becoming mary requires surgery).

Here's to the supersizers and mighty kids' meals...